“Finding our truth in a hope of doubt”

“Take the third line of the last song you heard, make it your post title, and write for a maximum of 15 minutes. GO!”

Finding our truth in a hope of doubt- STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS (with cartoons added after my 15 minutes was up)

2013-08-29-chill-ass-outIt’s so easy to get caught up in the minutiae of daily life, the expectations of others- that shit impacts us, clouds our judgement and breeds discord in the parts of us that matter the most. We all have dreams and motivations that we trade in for others’.

Coming back to terms with what we want is certainly the path less traveled- it’s fucking hard. Realizing you’ve essentially cheated on yourself, and cheated yourself out of true happiness can be a real pisser, and waking up to that sucks. I mean, how many of you get out of bed in the morning, sad and dismayed that you have to get the fuck up? Are pissed at the person you’re waking up next to? Pissed at the empty space next to you? The emptiness rings loudly for a reason. It means you’re off your true path in life- if you don’t know what that is, totally kosher.

But you’ve got to dedicate your existence to something. (Not someone, because that gets really empty, really fast.) That something could be simply, discovering more about yourself, or being nice to dogs, or being a dick to children. Literally, whatever gets your ass up in the morning, (that isn’t coffee) is what you should be doing every day, that thing that gets your internal organs jumping is what you should be dedicating large quantities of your time to.

It’s not easy to admit. We live in a culture where internal happiness looks a certain way and is achieved by walking a certain path. 2013-screw-marriageGuess what- that’s a big pile of shit stank and THANK SAGAN isn’t for everyone. How fucking boring would THAT be?! Like, a whole world of The Stepford Wives?  :insert gagging sounds and gratuitous eye-rolling here:

There are so many different pathways through life that are all perfectly wonderful and beautiful and not one is more beautiful than the next. Getting excited about exploring takes courage, and it’s terrifying. Letting go of your constructs is like, Psycho shower scene level terrifying, but, from someone who like, is the most stubborn person you’re likely to meet, letting go feels really, really good. Like, picture the most relieving fart you’ve ever farted- it kinda feels like that, stinky, glorious and you’re finally un-bloated.

I’m not going to bullshit you guys though- it’ll smell. People you thought were your friends suddenly turn into the weirdest assholes ever, your family will lecture you 30 ways to Sunday about how you’re fucking up your life and your religion, if you believe in that crap, will reinforce your wants and desires as sinful and bad. The whole world will seem to rise up (it’s actually mostly in your head) against you and come at you with like, a billion excuses as to why you should stay where you are. Misery feeds on misery, and the fucks in your life that see you getting happier get jealous, and jealousy is blinding- it turns otherwise beautiful people into little green monsters. So, beautiful, confused people, have courage and prepare for the best fart you will ever fart.


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One response to ““Finding our truth in a hope of doubt”

  1. Pingback: Oh, All My Friends Are Turning Green [A Vignette/Flash Fiction] | Ramisa the Authoress·

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